We shall first begin by explaining who a mum/dad really is or who we can call a mum/dad....
I will say a person who you can call a mum/dad is someone who is responsible for a child who they either birthed themselves or via adoption. A mum/dad is a person who leaves the stage of just being a husband or wife and takes up responsibility of birthing another life or being responsible for another life. I will say being a mum/dad is another stage or level in the life of 2 individuals who call themselves man and wife.
They started first by being friends, then they graduated to being in a relationship, they graduate to courtship at this stage they can address each other as fiance/fiancee, then they move to being husband and wife and the next level is parenting, BECOMING MUMS/DAD....
We need to know that in as much as everyone wants to become a mum/dad one day there are a lot that comes with being a mum/dad, so many things will change about you physically, emotionally, physcologically, spiritually and financially. So many things will change about your marriage... So it takes only two(2) prepared individuals to enter this level.
That we see so many white people who get married and say they are not ready or prepared for babies because they understand how much commitment that level takes...
One mistake that so many Africans especially Nigerians make is the fact that many of them dont understand that parenting is a joint thing but most times some men just believe their own role is to impregnate the woman and provide for her needs that's all.
They dont understand that the life of your child and who that child becomes even from the womb and our parenting begins even from when the child is still in the womb..
Many of us dont know that When a child is conceived, there is need for the man and wife to sit and plan ahead for that child that is yet to born, there is need for them to start praying to know what kind of child is coming, is he a pastor, is he an evangelist, is he a counselor, is he an accountant? Who is exactly is coming because this helps you to raise the child accordingly when he is eventually born...
After the child is born I have come to observe that many a times the responsibility of the child is left to the woman alone... In fact let me start from during the child labour... Many men leave their wives alone in the labour ward to go through the experience alone they have forgotten its their child and not just her child alone they are expecting, some leave their wives and not even help during pregnancy period.. Your support as a man matters a lot all through this period.. We need to know that she is not pregnant alone you both are pregnant.. So if there are times that she is weak, tired or have pains, you should not leave alone to herself, you should help with some responsibility or chores she is supposed to do atleast that can be your quarter of contribution to the pregnancy stage, always make her feel she is not alone in that state but you are both in it together... THAT SHOULD BE ONE OF YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A DAD TO BE
Now let's move to after child birth.. At the early stage of the growth stage of a child most times the responsibility of looking after the child is left to the woman, she prepares the food, she prepares him for school, she takes him to school, she does his assignment, she baths him, she puts him to bed and this is why so many a times this tends to cause physical, emotional, psychological, & spiritual stress on the woman. I have seen so many frustrated young moms who feels the responsibility is just too much on them because they are left alone and most men feel "woman it is your responsibility now so you must do it".. No, we need to understand that parenting is a joint effort so that it doesn't stress the other person out.. There are things you can help with except your ego won't let you, there is nothing wrong with helping with bathing the child, or helping with assignment or even cooking a times... Now let's move to some responsibility as a mum so it doesn't look like we are attacking the dads alone.
Now as mum you have so many roles.. you stand as the support and piller to your husbands and its takes a lot of finance when a child is born... Should we start from pampers, baby food, baby oil, baby cloth and the likes.. I remember staying with my sis for sometime when she should put to bed and when I saw the money being spent on baby things ehn.. The Baby can use up to 8 pampers in a day a times and one pack of pampers can finish is one week, one pack of pampers that cost over 4k or 5k, so how many pampers in a week? but some women are intentionally wasteful and dont know how to manage.. You should learn not to be wasteful and not strain your husbands financially. Also you shouldn't take advantage of the fact that you are nursing a child deny your husbands attention, food, time and our body or it might create a bridge between you both... Dont let a child be the bridge between you both.. LEARN TO BE A BALANCED WIFE & MOTHER
Let's move to the next outline.
When busy schedule is involved
Let me tell us the story of a couple I used to stay with. Both of them work with breweries company where they have to wake as early as 5a.m and return late so they had to employ the service of an housemaid..
They just had their child not too long so she was the one who stayed with the child most times... It got to stage that the baby no longer recognized her mother as her mother and started calling the house girl mummy because they have come to bond better and spend more time with each other. She talks to the house girl more, plays with her mum and the worse of it is she cries when her mum carries her from the house maid..... There was no form of bond between the mother and the child and even the father and the child because busy schedule had taken over
For me I believe no matter how busy parents are, there should be no form of excuse why you shouldn't create time for your children. I believe when you have the consciousness that you are responsible for them and whatever becomes of them you will answer to you will create time from no time to spend time with them... Don't leave your responsibility to the house maid or nanny because IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A FATHER/MOTHER.
Like I always tell people, when I get married i wouldn't want to involve in any job that will that will not make me have time for my family no matter what because I want to be my children's best friend. What kind of a mum/dad are you? The friendly parent vs the strict parents
One secret I have learnt in parenting is that you dont have to be all strict to bring up a child on the right way. You dont have to be a father or mother that a child will see and run away before they do the right thing or respect YOU. have seen so many parents try to be all strict and give their children rules and regulations, they create boundary for them, they don't even laugh with them because they feel that is the best way to raise a disciplined child or to bring up a child well... The truth is that from my personal research I have come to see that most children who are brought up in this manner tend to mess up when they get their freedom.
There was this pastor then they had 3 boys and a girl and they practically cage the girl with the aim that they dont want to mess up, she doesn't go out, she doesn't have friends, she doesn't talk to anyone at home, the lady eventually gained admission and the first gift she presented them with was pregnancy because this people thought they were helping her rather they didn't know they were killing her.
The first opportunity she had to really talk to someone she spoke with wrong people who led her wrongly..I'm not saying we shouldn't be disciplined parents but that doesn't stop our bonding as parents to our child.
So many parents all in the name of discipline we create fear in the heart of our children that they can even walk up to us for us to help them with their assignment talk more of discuss personal issues with us because they don't know how you will react to them and that is why so many children go through emotional torture, abuse and all sort and their parents are not aware because there is no form of friendship...
BE YOUR CHILD'S FRIEND.. the best way to win their heart is not just to be the dad or mum all the time... There are times you should come to the level of friendship, so that at any point in time the first Person that comes to their mind when they are going through anything will be you.
It's in the place of friendship that you can easily instill discipline and right upbringing in your child.. You dont have to instill discipline by the rod or hard face all the time.. Or you will end up producing a child with a strong heart ready for the rod at anytime and not ready to really change, that's the kind of child that will say "sebi if I do it the highest my dad or mum will do is to beat me" .so they're always ready for the Cane and not for the change.
So I will say PARENTAL BONDING AND FRIENDSHIP WITH THEIR CHILD OR CHILDREN is one best way to be better parents...
INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES IN EACH CHILD
This is a very important aspect of parenting. The fact that all your children came from the same womb or the same father doesn't make them the same in anyway.. Even identical twins can never have the same attitude talk more of diffebt children, therefore children should not be compared or it will destroy their self esteem or even lead to hatred and jealousy even amidst siblings.
For you to be a better parent there is need to study the individual differences of each child and treat them according to their personality. The fact that taiwo is playful and keeny is gentle doesn't mean you should always make Kenny feel that he is boring or make taiwo feel that he is stubborn and restless, you must love each of them, understand their individual strength and weakness, understand their individual capacity and intelligence. The worst mistake you will make as a parent is to compare your children especially in their presence.
Even if you know one child is more intelligent than the other, keep it to yourself and not say it to their face or you may destroy their confidence and make them feel incapable.. Instead if compare make each child see their strength and abilities and help them with solutions to overcome their weaknesses.. In fact you can even handle and raise them in a way that the intelligent one helps the dull one and helps him become better in a way that won't make the dull one feel he is really dull.. You can make them realize that as siblings they can use their individual strength to compliment each others weaknesses.
The power of a praying mum and dad
In as much as we try our best to raise our children in the right way, we put in efforts, and do all sort, the best place to settle so many things as regards our children's life is in the place of prayer... The best mum & dad never takes the place of praying for their children for granted because they understand the importance of a parents prayer over his child.
Knowing their temperament makes this easy
Now as I was saying earlier... There is need for us to be prayerful, there is need for us to continually be a praying mum/dad because one thing you don't know is even the difficulties you can't solve on your own as regards your child can settled down on your kneels.. Is that child stubborn? You can settle it in prayers, is that child dull? You can settle it on your kneels, is that child lazy? You can settle it on your kneels. Like they say the distance between your big problems and solution is the distance between your kneels and the floor which means that whatever it is we need to be sorted about our children to make them better we must take it to God in prayers because in as much as we put in our personal effort, our effort will not become wasteful if we back it up with prayers.
You can know the future of your child in prayers, you can know when your child might be in danger in prayers, you can know when you child is about taking the wrong step in prayers, you can guide and bring up your child in the right way when you settle it all on your kneels.. So a better mum/dad with never take the place of prayer for their children for granted
The family altar
Apart from our secret and personal prayers for our children, the family altar is a place of agreement, unity and love, it is a place where children are raised in Godly manner, it is place where we can instill the things of God into our children even at an early stage of their growth, so they grow up with the right belief even at very young age.
A better mum/dad makes their children understand the place and importance of the family altar because this is a place of bringing up.your child in a Godly way and if there is any best gift any goos parent will give their child is to bring them to the knowledge of God at a tender age so that they grow in this knowledge and it helps them.become better children...
The truth is when a child comes to the knowledge of God, God will bring them to the knowledge of so many other things about their life that even as parents you must not need to struggle too much to correct them or make them understand something's or keep emphasizing on wrongs and right because they with consciously grow into its knowledge through the help of God.
So to become a better parent you should all we discussed earlier but to become the best parent ever YOU MUST INTRODUCE YOUR CHILDREN TO THEIR MAKER "GOD". Don't just introduce them to the church, dont just buy a Bible for them.. Make them understand the Christ like life, make them understand what is contained in the word that it might bring life to them... Teach them in the right way they should so that when they grow old they will never depart from it.. With this few point of mine I hope I have been able to convince us on how to become a better mum/dad.
And without a doubt, I'm sure we have learnt few points today.
We all must get parenting right!
The next generation of leaders, musicians, public speakers, politicians, fashion designers, etc all rest on out shoulders as parents or parent-to-be.
Imagine a society where I train up my own child well, you train yours well, another train his properly. Imagine such a civilized and crime free society!
You think it's not possible? It actually is! ...and it begins from you preparing yourself to be a parent.
Thank you everyone for following, God bless you!
I hope someone outthere find something useful in all have said. Thank you!!
My appreciation goes to the following people.
@sirknight (The leader of the great church on the blockchain)
@dwayne16. (A friend turn brother)
@Adedoyin-Wealth (The leader of steemchurch nigeria @sc-n).
@bigssam. (The leader of steemchurch ghana. @sc-g )
#sc-n. #sc-g. #sc-v.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.
Greetings from @sirmiraculous
REMAIN BLESSED LIKE YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN.