I should start this blog by saying i am hitting 2 years sober , and i still miss it some days but then i don't and i realize i can live life without meth.
when i was almost 13 years old i was molested by the man who adopted me when i was 2 , so as any child would i called him dad he was all i ever knew , but then one night we were watching horror films and i ended falling asleep on his leg and he turned on the sex channel and started to touch me , i didn't know what was happening i was so scared i peed myself , but it didn't phase him , when he stopped i woke up and was extremely confused and upset , i ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom crying i eventually came out and told him i was gonna tell mom his response was " if you tell your mom , you will ruin the family." i was scared and i didn't know what to do , but i also knew i didn't want to be the reason my parents got a divorce , but my mother knew something was up and she told me to come sleep in her bed so as the good child i was i did and she got it out of me what was wrong ,she got up and ran downstairs and screamed at him , but he stayed . i wish i could stay it stopped but it continued on for a year before he was sent to jail for what he did me , my mom and my little brother.
skipping ahead here when i was 15, i was raped by a 25 year old man , and i didn't speak for 3 months, this man also faced jail for this
i found drugs when i was 15 i started doing blow because it numbed me from the past and what was happening at home , my moms new boyfriend used to whip me with a towel so hard it left welts all over my body ,but when i did coke it helped me cope with everything , months later i got kicked out and was left on the streets to take care of myself.
don't worry i didn't leave till i was 16 i was tired of the abuse , when my welts started to heal it felt good not hurting and aching from them , and i have been out of my parents house since but she has left the guy , he was pretty abusive to her .
so i started smoking crystal meth and i got addicted to it really fast , i started snorting it then smoking it , then i hot railed it , then i hit injecting it , i didn't wanna face my past and heal because i wanted to continue staying high and hiding my reality .
i was a 4 year addict , it was the worst road i ever went on i walked out at 86 pounds soaking wet , i have in the time ODed 3 times and none of the people that said they were my friends were there .
my life was a living hell all i did was find my next high and its not a life i would choose for anyone
my life was sleeping under a bridge and finding my next high , i didnt know if i had any hope of ever getting better
i started referring to my DOC ( drug of choice) a him and he was my boyfriend cause he was the only person who cared me and was always there , i will admit i was sick and not okay.
i had seen people worse then me , i have seen things that only happens in a nightmare , i didn't believe in god at all and i still don't (somewhat) but i remember sitting on the bridge high as a kite and praying to save my life saying " lord if you do exist , please help me !! shine some light on me and point me in the direction of someone that will stay with me and keep me clean. if you help me i will stay off the drugs . please grant me this miracle !" and a few weeks later i met Michael @darkflame and he supported me , he was there for the hot and cold sweats and he was there for when i was in a sleep coma for a week and a half once i started to get clean , he was there for everything , hes the one who was staying by my side all the withdrawals and everything ..
i am gunna be fighting to stay clean for the rest of my life .