Discovering myself

in bumpers •  2 months ago

While leading a company and unearthing the path to lead us on I also find some best paths for myself as a person.

Finding the best path for myself often comes from recognizing what I might call “bumpers” like we see in bowling alleys.

Only that in life there are no bumpers, rather a person needs to develop a sense for where the edges of the lane really are and the bumpers exist for me invisibly.

I have two really bad bumpers I’ve begun paying attention to.

One is interrupting. I pride myself on listening well. However, I don’t always. And I’ve lately understood a very clear bumper for myself. Interrupting another person.

If I interrupt someone into means I’m trying too hard to get my message across.

From there I may need to set back and re evaluate how I’m approaching things.

My second bumper though I do not do it often, I believe, is bad language. If I curse over something, I am stressed. And though I am often smooth and calm, the river in me runs deep. Cursing is an indication something is off underneath, and I need to step back to understand how to fix the issue there.

Do you have bumpers?

— Capt. Scott

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One bumper I've had for a long time was not being able to see things from someone else's perspective. To fight this I started to listen to podcast that had political notions different than mine. This would force me to see things from their vantage point and I wouldn't have a chance to interrupt or rebuke, I just sit there and listen. I've found this has been very helpful in giving me a better perspective on things.

When we are able to see things from someone else's point of view it gives us a better understanding of their reality. We live in a world where there are often violent clashes because of opposing ideals and the inability to see things from the other side.

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Wow that’s very mature and a great idea, shows who you are as a person. Doing things because it’s the right thing to do even though itshard to do.

Thank you, @Ned for volunteering your thoughts/vulnerabilities & inviting us to share ours.

One of my bumpers is impatience. As an artist, I cheat myself by picking fruit before it has had time to ripen on the vine (of heart and mind).

Another bumper of mine is hypersensitivity & taking things too personally.

Trying to work through both, on Steemit & off.

Cheers from Florida, Yahia

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Jeez, Yahia. You folks have some massive mosquitoes down there. Wow!

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Very funny, mister, and not too far from the truth :p
You should see the size of our pigeons!

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I also have trouble taking things too personally, not easy to get over this one. A constant never ending battle over here.

I have bumpers. We all do. No one is perfect. Life is all about challenges and our ability to overcome these challenges form us.

You are doing a great job. I am half way out of the rat race because of you and your creation, Steemit. Thank you so much.

I pray for you. I pray that Steemit would soar high. God bless you @ned!

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Only 1/2 to go:). Keep the prayers up. If we don't ask, we don't receive...

We all have bumpers in life. For now, a minor bump for me is: I love using steemit and cant help focusing on monetary aspect of it. True sense of joy doesnt come with monetary goal and hence my conflict of interest.

To be honest Ned, I'm actually quite happy you've decided to make these personal type posts.

it makes you real... there is an intangible value to that. dunno if you thought of this as a strategy or if you are simply exploring different elements attached to your concept of purpose. But, these types of things make me smile, because it means that you have at least one foot still grounded.

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Most underrated comment ever 😂

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thank you the compliment brother... speaking from the heart aided by a cup of wine! ;)

Of course everyone has bumpers. It's a matter of identifying one has. Not everyone contemplates on this, perhaps it comes with their personality. And most of the people who do these are introverts and find value in discovering oneself over others (perhaps being liked?).

Just to reciprocate, one of my bumpers is the want to be liked which has caused me to say yes to too many things when 'no' would have been the appropriate one.

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I agree with you @eastmael. When it comes to bumpers.... oh my lanta! I think i have too many to mention. The one you mention....for sure I share with you.

Ok @ned now this proves to a great extent that you are human, many of us have been throwing light arguments about whether or not you are an hybrid (from the future maybe).

My major bumber is; Poor time management, I often engage myself in so many activities at once that I end up becoming almost unproductive with any.

Thanks for the open and honest post! Not something you see every day from such an influential person. I like the bumper analogy. My two bumpers are healthy eating and clear communication. I could almost argue it all boils down to clear communication (or lack of I should say). If I was a better communicator I could avoid the social eating pitfalls that create a ripple effect across every other aspect of my life. Thanks for the post!

@ned whats going on with you today man, did you dip into those SF bud brownies? Have a safe flight home!

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Same thinking!

So good you’ve discovered these bumpers about you
You see I take this as good discoveries simply because. What human does determines who the human is, Discovering some things about ourselves either positive or negative helps us become good humans. Once some bumpers are discovered, human I mean good humans tend to correct them and in return it makes such humans better persons .

I discovered some bumpers in myself which I’ve taken the pain to take away and now I’m a better human .

Excellent your message makes us think, because we always have things that make us slow down, but the important thing is to realize the mistakes we make to do that.

Greetings from Venezuela..

We all have our little issues. I imagine it's harder for you as you have put yourself out as a public figure and lots are watching all you do. Stay strong

Not much in life is easy but a lot of things should be easier. Hopefully we can work to make our lives and the lives of others easier with less bumps. There is too much debt ad wastefulness in the world.

Hi sir,this line atrract me greatly,"if I interrupt someone into means....I am also passing through this situation.As you know,my country India is under the process of banning bitcoin exchange in India.Sir i beg your pardon if I am wrong , I had written a post inviting you to India .The link of the post is https://steemit.com/steemit/@maya7/i-would-like-to-invite-some-veteran-steemians-like-ned-dan-to-india-to-solve-our-problems.Please sir ,if you can do something for us,your presence will definitely make things easy.Sir please forgive me if I am wrong anyway, I had thought many times before writing this post,so i beg your pardon.wish you a very beautiful time aheade.

Cursing is an indication that something is off

I completely agree with this one.

Interrupting People - Yeah, I do that. I used to wonder WHERE I learned that? Then I went home for Christmas ;-) Thanks Mom!

Bad Language - I agree probably mostly not necessary and I feel better about ME without it..

For me, 2 bumpers most bother, because I see them in others? ;-)
(And I worry I may be guilty sometimes myself.)

a) Those who KNOW ALL - OMG - need I say more?
b) Those whom are Perfect - it is only human to have, and admit our flaws..

Im a sailor too. But moreover my biggest bumper would be whining. Seems liks somebody is always whining about something which...brings out the sailor in me.

Recognizing and then using your bumpers to improve yourself is what it's all about

Everyone does i believe. All human does as far as i am concern.
One thing that make us unique is how we choose to solve them when we finally come across a bumper.
How Mr A choose to solve his own problem will differ from Mr B.

Here comes the word experiences

@ned You're not the only one with "bumpers" or as other might think of steps for personal growth. I love the saying, there's always room for (self) improvement.

Best wishes on your personal journey :)

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very nice! If ytou added a sparkly steem logo rising up frpom the ground on this and spinnning around like the star from super mario 64thatd be so awesome maybe @web-gnar can do it!

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@ackza I LOOOOOVE Gifs! That gif your talking about sounds super rad!

P.S - when will you visit Nigeria? We have a huge Steemit community here. 😊

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Great quest!

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I like that question

you're going quite vocal in these few days, should I attribute it to your journey? That selfie on that plane?

There are boundaries in everyone's life they would rather not cross, but sometimes we get our feet wet, and sometimes it swim full force against the tide to get through to the other side. As far as interrupting someone to try and insure your message was received, you could just paraphrase back to them your own thought, not what they just said.

First messages are generally short to the point, and then expanded on to get the full point across. When the light turns green we can go. Short simple to the point. Now the questioner ask what does yellow light mean? and what is up with the red light, and if we can go on green then why is that guy in our way? Sometimes life just needs to be interrupted and the person slapped silly with repeated off the wall stupidity.

Same on the cussing & interrupting. Often I get too excited & I mean well, but the other person doesn't feel heard & it's challenging when they shut down.

My fear, anxiety & social lacks are big bumpers that cockblock me from a lot of the best that life has to offer. I've gotten too used to keeping my mouth shut & my head down & I'm tired of missing out & being too afraid to live. I wear my depression & disorders like a bullet proof vest; I stay out of trouble, but I miss a lot of joy & connections. I've so gotta figure out how to gain security & open my heart, without placing unintentional hurts in people & myself.

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My friend got the same too!

The boss himself... In recent times you've become not just a public figure but a role model to many. What you established has changed thousands of life.

My life is a blessing through what you've done. Steemit has turned around to wipe away many sorrows

I want to take a minute of Thanks to you. Don't know if you're a Christian or not. But my God will surely bless you.

Ideas will never run dry from your head, you'll obviously have more than enough to execute wonderful projects.

It's an awesome feeling to be associated with you on this platform.

See you at the top

Recognizing one's own "bumpers" and adjusting actions accordingly, keeps one on the right path.

well, everyone have their own bumpers. even for myself.

Hmm. With interrupting there can be okay motivations for it I think. If they're being long-winded and you want to respond to a specific part of it, it can make sense to cut them off. (In a perfect world it shouldn't need to happen, but it's not always the interrupter's fault.)

So I think it depends. It could be that you're trying to force your message, but not all interruptions are created equal imo. It can also be that they're trying to take too much attention.

welcome back sir

My bumper is I try to be selfless and sometimes I can be very silly with the decision I take in accommodating the next person even when it really inconveniences me.
I have taken another silly decision to be there for some friends tommorw and it is a big and unnecessary unconvince for me already!

We all have weakness, the good thing is recognizing it and working towards overcoming it.

Yes, when I get overly enthusiastic or really into a conversation, I tend to talk over or interrupt a person. I sometimes try to be self aware, but people learn from knowing me that if I interrupt them, it'S actually a good sign lol

The other one is emotional flashbacks. While I've been able to heal most of the underlying trauma from my past abuse experience, I still get triggered and it can be quite debilitating at times, either I'll feel stuck, really bad, unable to do anything, really scared, or enraged. That for me is the thing I need to work on the most because it prevents me from feeling good and can affect everyone around me.

Those words... I prefer to use them playfully. That's not always the case though. Sometimes a thought like that can feel like something caught inside my throat, it needs to be cleared out. Sure, it feels better; but now there's a mess to clean up.

Live and learn.

Ned thanks to bring people freedon and money estabilization.

Mine maybe too shy to interrupt, so I can never get my opinion heard in a conversation :(

This is quite great not the fact that you have bumpers sir (everyone does) but the fact that you were humble enough to recognize them and are willing to work on it, I envy that sir. Well my bumper is pride, i like to always think of myself mentally above other because I'm a deep thinker and I analyze things from different perspectives. So most times I just sit in pride, wait for others to make all unnecessary suggestions and just at the edge bring in my response and pride in my acculades.

Of course we all have bumps in the road , no ones perfect and life’s not perfect . Success comes with broken paths , once we cross those paths , we learn from it moving forward . Don’t worry , it happens , that’s why we call it “life”

As for me...i have lots of bumpers..am not like everywhere i good..including steemit...i dont know why.. if i have done anyone wrong in a way... i beg you all to forgive me...because we have a humans..and are one

A note to the ones who are complaining about the blogging CEO of Steemit: You should always be your first customer. And that he just did.

Bumpers. I guess we all have bumpers that can hit you like a container full of rocks. I have been a bouncing ball with PMS that just stopped bouncing not too long ago.

1.0 No brakes.
When I commit to something, I have no breaks. It's like diving into something and holding my breath longer than I should. Ended up drowning myself.

A solution for me: be aware of how much your time is worth and realise you can only spend it once.

2.0 Side-tracking
My brain has no clear map on how to lead a conversation in the right or easiest direction. Instead, when I get really overwhelmed by enthusiasm or passion, my brain simply decides to go full-in-depth about a smaller side-topic, getting back to the main topic when people maybe already have forgotten the main topic. Which makes it sometimes too hard to keep up.

A solution for me was to not share everything that I wanted to share. Instead listen more closely, and reply to the things that actually mattered.

3.0 Valuing myself less.
Everything is fine, everything is good, I don't care, bla bla bla. I always have thought that if someone is screaming for it, they should and could have it. I never understood the fact that when I wasn't screaming I wouldn't be less eligible to have it as well. Maybe too scared to have an ego. Like: "Hey, I want this, let me have it instead of you" is something that is still a huge trigger/bumper. Why would I value myself higher than the other? Do I really want it? What makes me earn it more than the other? And some more questions that ended up with arguing with myself, realizing it's just a waste of time to discuss it with myself.

Solution? Life is so damn short, and be a little bit more selfish.

Obviously, there are more, but it would become a blog post instead of a comment.

tl;dr

Time can only be spent once, fuck the bumpers and accept the success, failure or lesson you get out of it.

At least recognize your bumpers are a beginning.
Alleviate them is the pursuit of greatness and why not happiness
we all want and cherrish

I am still looking for my other bumpers as of now I am not sure what they are. But I am sure for one, sometimes I didn't before I made a decision.

It is not important what bumpers I have, it is important for me to give some time to myself and contemplate in a dark solitary room, to feel myself and introspect the course of my life as if I am seeing a other person. I should be aware of what I have done or what I should have done. This is a part of a procedure of me to develop myself as a responsible good person.

@ned I think it is very easy to criticize a successful person because it is not an easy thing to reach there where that person is standing. Being pioneer and CEO of steeminc, you have a lot of responsibilities on your shoulder. You were the developer of this great platform where everyone have a chance to interact with the persons living all over the world while having a chance to earn something for his/her. I thank you for giving us a chance to be a part of this excellent platform.
Everything is not bad here and also we can't say that everything is good here. Everything is in this world is not free of issues and shortcomings. We cannot solve every problem and every person cannot be satisfied either. But a pragmatic solution can be find and implemented.
In a hope to get along with this community for ever. Thanks.

I think we all went through this situation, it is very difficult to control the emotions that life gives us.

The most difficult thing is to know if we fight against those emotions, since it can take a lot of energy.

Bumpers this week might be gutters the next.
Time keeps on tickin tickin tickin....
In to the future. Tick tock do do do do dooo.

@ned with that 5 o'clock Shadow all you need now is an Eye Patch and a Cutlass and Cap'n Scott would be Ready to join us on Sundays for #PirateSunday where there are No Bumpers. We Have Fun without Limits. You're the Captain of the Ship and your Mate's are Manning the Cannons and we are Ready to Plunder any Foe. Somewhere I'm thinking Pirate SMT's............HardFork 20 Soon, because we don't want the developers to be Walkin' the Plank..................

Being CEO is very tough. I hope your moment of reflection will clear the bumping "guilt".

We all need to go through this to grow :)

good friends are the ones that make your bumpers visible without hurting you!

My bumper is always want to take attention by you. I try to make a design about you and posted in my blog 2-3 weeks ago, but I don’t get your eyes yet. This is my design and I know there are so many better designer than me in Steemit, but your qoute is important to remember by steemians, my design just want to help steemians remember that.

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I like your art, my brother

I think everyone has a bumpers. good or bad. so hanging on ourselves to do it. Thank you Capt @ned for sharing.

I share those two (thou not the only ones I have).

Reading about them from you made me think of the fast pace and competitiveness environment anyone faces while leading anything steem related.

The possibilities are endless but one needs to understand that every person will start perceiving them as they reach their own point of understanding.

Explorers and builders of brave new worlds have faced this along history and i think both are a sign of healthy desperation that can indeed be solved by steeping back a little and trying to empathize with the other person, asset where their point of view and level of understanding of the message is and trying to build from there.

(Easier said than done)

We all have our bumpers to overcome, that's what makes us alive(damn that sounds corny) and cursing is also one of mine, sometimes I go overboard. lol
Glad to see you're now also doing these types of posts, it's always good getting to better know the man behind such a large community :)

I too have these same two ”bumpers”. My goal is to bowl a 300 in life. That is difficult when I have developed habits over these 25+ years if existence.

The feeling I get inside when somebody is explaining something I already innerstand is almost unbearable. I find that if I literally bite my tongue that helps.

As for cursing, I’ve taught myself that vulgar words such as these are literal curses being put out into the world. I do not wish to control the lives of others, nor release constant negativity.

It is great to set aim on removing these bumpers. I will follow suit Capt. Scott (@ned).

Sure everyone's got bumpers. Mine is quick conclusion, i'm too quick to make negative conclusions which often spoils my mind. Usually my conclusions are wrong and i begin to blame myself.

A lot of time i have to rethink, to fix that negative thought

This is mine

Aye captain!

'Sup bud?

My bumper is sitting on the couch and watching crypto prices. If anyone talks to me, I get snappy. My decisions have become volatile and impulsive.

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Just buy them and hold and you won't need to look at them but once per year. A former Goldman Sachs executive recently said he believed the entire blockchain market in 10 years could reach $40T. That's trillion with a T!. If you buy the top 20 and hold them you should do very well! Just don't check their prices. Get on with life.

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Now is the time to buy :)

Brother, good to know that you evaluate your actions and your inner self and it's great sign and this shows that you are a person who try to evaluate and try to implement the actions of improvement, and as you said interruption, i can understand because to put our message naturally we interrupt and it's not an big issue but the second one is the thing which need more deep analysis because the cursing thoughts born when something really hurting us really deep inside us, so we have to analyse the root cause means why these thoughts are born and then we can resolve it and these thoughts are not good for us because inturn it can push us towards frustration.

My bumper is, i overthink a lot nowadays and gradually i am working on it and this overthinking process developed recently because from few months i stopped my sports and to get out of this overthinking phase i have once again started playing sports.

Thanks for sharing this post with us and wishing you an great day. Stay blessed. 🙂

Do you have bumpers?

Of course: being so greedy to keep buying new Steem Monsters even if the amount of available SBD increasingly declines. :-)

To be serious, I would be more than happy to have only two 'bumpers'!

  • For example I am sometimes too impatient, and as a consequence inattentive, which can lead to mistakes.

  • Sometimes perfectionism prevents me to start and/or finish a project on time.

  • Sometimes if I feel criticized at first I tend to defend myself or even attack the 'opponent' instead of staying calm and think about if he may be right (at least partly).

  • ...

Everybody has bumpers

first mine it´s thinking what i do will have all the attention i could get, but certainly people has their life on their own and don´t really care on what i do.

but that have a positive side, since EACH people that sees my work and my gaming life will be really interested and that´s genuine admiration i really appreciate a lot.

Thanks for reading, cheers from Venezuela @ned

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"Nobody ever listened their way to an ass whooping" my granny used to say....

Also "you can't learn nothing by talking son."

As to the cursing, if you recognize it as an indication of a deeper issue then you are on your way to rectifying that issue, no?

For me it's taking on way more than I can handle and inevitably letting people down and never giving 100% to any one project. So I just slow down and think through the big stuff now to see how it aligns with my priorities before just blindly saying "yes".

So does this mean you’re gonna participate on the platform now? 😂🤔⬆️📈

To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

Brought to you by @tts. If you find it useful please consider upvoting this reply.

I curse too when i am stresses. Many people do. Many people also cut across others. These are common flaws that make us all human. I would like to see you share sonething deeper, something unique to you. Id also like to see you interact more via comments. Guess i can like to see as much as i want, its not going to change anything......

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I think I will try. Thanks PaulaG

Well.... There is one thing I should definitely do, which I don't often enough and I know I will regret: Spend more time with my children (9 and 11 yo). I know this is something unique and will NEVER be there again.

Hi Ned, how wonderful that you are showing your true feelings where social media in general tends to project an image rather than what we are. Besides those bumpers what is the root obstruction for me is the false belief that I am the person in the mirror having certain properties rather than the looking at it and second the prideful assumption I have the power to remove the obstruction which furher reinforces it.

I have bumbers. I have many bumbers.
Gosh, I never knew you share stuff like this.

Yes, I think we all have bumpers. I shared one with you which is interrupting people. And like you I decided I wanted to stop doing that and when I asked myself why I did it, the answer came. I was interrupting others because subconsciously I felt if I did not get the thought out at that moment I would forget it and it was important and I wanted to express it. so look at it from that angle @Ned. Also cursing is overrated society has taught us that it is bad when actuality it's another language we have created. It's the cursing we do at others that hurts and offends them that we have to put in check. But cursing out loud to yourself. Don't sweat it. I speak from the point of being a life coach and probably about 20 years your Senior so also from life experience.

Great to see you blogging more and opening up, Ned. Being a young CEO comes with challenges that I can't imagine.

I've had anger management therapy after screaming at a noisy neighbor and an uncooperative medical secretary. I learned that I was angry for good reasons, and I trained myself to be more assertive before reaching the anger stage.

Thanks for the inside, @ned! It's always great to see you sharing your thoughts with us, especially if they're intended to bring you closer to the Steem community.

One of my personal bumpers may be feeling the need to impress. I don't know where that comes from, but I often have the sensation that good is not good enough and I'm very (too) demanding with myself - even in situations where it's not required. It's hard to relieve myself, to be proud of how far I've already come and recognize that this is already a lot. I'm working on this though... surfing helps :-)

Again thanks for this post of yours, very cool.
Resteemed

I have oh, so many bumpers. Some of which I am in the process of changing, others I embrace as being part of my eccentric charm.

It's good seeing @ned also have bumpers because I have loads of them.

One of them is that I'm scared of what people think about me. I don't want people to get bad impression about me. I try so had to impress people just because I don't what people to say nasty things about me.

@ned I'll really love to see you in Nigeria, I have your look-alike here.

we all have bumpers!! The major one I'm dealing with is being too emotional at times ruining my peace n calmness. Trying to overcome this negative trait of mine.

BDW, Checkout my blog as well:
https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@cherrythinks/introducing-cherrythinks-all-that-s-there-and-way-beyond

Up vote if you like it. Looking forward to hear more from you.
TC! cheers!!

Interesting what you say about interrupting. I have a habit of talking to much and interrupting others. I always thought it was a sign i was passionate about something. However, it is a good perspective to look at it as trying to hard to get a message across.

I just realised sometimes superheroes do have kryptonites. They need to take a break and rant too. Thanks for keeping steem alive even without Dan. I have high hopes for this platform regardless of the setback that we are facing. EOS has their own problem too even though they are given 1 year of ICO to be decentralize. Crypto is maturing, and all it needs is time.